n. An unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through.
One thing I have definitely come across during my time here is Flakes. People make plans, then they change on you. Sometimes leaving you high and dry, definitely leaving you a little unsettled and weary of the relationship going forward. If you chose to continue one of course.
Now I have been known to some aspects of being a flake in my time. I'm an entreprenuer and sometime not the most structured person. I often don't have a routine, and have a number of projects on the go at once. I sometimes find it hard to say no to things. I am lucky to have lots of friends and opportunities presented to me that I often juggle. In fact, I thrive in trying to do a number of things at once.
So yes I have been known to overcommit, 'drop a few balls' and sometime have an oversight for detail. And yes I would end up getting criticized for not doing this or that, often when I would achieve a great deal else. I would get called selfish and unreliable. See NZ is a structured place. It is quiet and relatively easy. People want a firm answer on your commitment, and then would rely on you to deliver or meet expectations.
So I just stopped committing to things. Sorry I just can't commit to chipping in for a weekend away in Raglan next month. Not sure what else might be on that I may be at. And I'm not going to buy tickets to that gig as I don't know where I will be. And I can't say yes to that trip overseas later in the year. Can't plan that far ahead. I would just decided at the last minute where I wanted to be, with whom, doing what.
Then you start getting a hard time for not committing to things. You stand outside the box and don't follow the crowd. People then don't invite you to things. You are seen as waiting for the better option. So you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Anyway in LA you get a LOT of Flakey people. People just don't give you straight answers, they make commitments they can't keep or sometimes just plain disappear on you!
There are a number of reason for people not following through. The sheer size of the city means you often can't do everything you intend to. You can really only do one thing at a time because of the travel time to get anywhere. So often you get thing changed on you last minute, which is fine.
There are loads of options too. Gigs. Visitors. Parties. Movie Screenings. The place is going a million miles an hour! It might be hard to commit to a date later in the week when you may have drinks to go to, or you are waiting on a job offer, or hearing back on a friend in town. So you say yup sounds good and then confirm on the day, if at all.
They also say in LA you never have a bad meeting. You leave feeling positive with the outcome, having agreed on something or leave things open to follow up on. The doors of opportunity ajar if you like. People don't like to burn bridges or close doors - if table turn they can always come back and say 'hey I thought we had something going here!' Keep a number of pots warming on the stove you could say. Sometimes people will see you as a favour for a friend or client with no intention of following through with anything. But they still greet you with a warm smile and a promise to be in touch.
So with all of this busy, noncommittal flakey environment people in LA seem to just make plans on the understanding that they are not confirmed until the day (or even hour) of them happening. I guess nothing is ever confirmed until it is actually taking place! Which is fine if you know the rules and manage your own expectations, and your own potential to flake on someone else in the meantime.
I had first experienced it when I arrived wide-eyed bushy tail off the plane and met a lovely Texan girl my first week here. She was stunning, an outgoing TV presenter and had a unique wild side to her that I was charmed about. We exchanged numbers and planned to meet up again. There was lots of good chat but it all seemed a bit fluffy. So I said why don't we meet up for coffee. How about dinner she said? Seemed like a sure sign that we were going to lock in some plans. I suggested we grab some dinner and go to the basketball in a couple of days time. I text her the next day to arrange ticket and didn't hear back from her. Immediately I felt something odd. She then text saying to wait on buying tickets as she was coming down sick, had some filming to day and would make a call on the day. I wasn't going to commit until I had a commitment from her so I flagged. I text her later in the week and no word either. She had disappeared.
To see her pop up on social media the next week with her boyfriend made me laugh. An Aussie as well. Please!!!
I have had some interesting experiences calling out flakes. My first week here (around the time I was getting the run around from the Texan) a UK contact of mine emailed me saying ' lets do beers this week!'. So I said fine - what about Thurs? He said how about Friday? Sure. I left it with him to confirm the place and time. Then I followed up with him on the day. 'We still doing beers? Where abouts?' Nothing came back.
After the weekend I got back in touch. 'Did you just do a classic LA flake to me?' I asked. He immediately responded with a humble British apology and arranged a time to reconvene the next day. 'I didn't know it was locked in sorry mate' he said. Didn't know? I must have hit a sore spot as he shouted me brunch at West Hollywood hot spot Cecconis where he passed on some worldly LA advice, especially around girls, who as I had found out were especially flakey.
This technique of calling out flakes turned on me though. I got chatting to lady at the bar one night and told her I was in the music festival space. She excitedly said it was my lucky day! She happened to be best friend with one of the managers at Goldenvoice who are Coachella's promoters! How convenient! We exchanged details and she promised to make an introduction. She then spoke about herself for the next 10 minutes about had saying how she was VP of the Wall Street Journal for 10 years and her Dad was David Bowie's manager. And her name was Ziggy Stardust. Righto then!
So I text her the next day saying thanks nice to meet you, with my bio and a polite reminder to make the intro. Nothing. I text her again later in the week. Nothing. By the end of the week I was becoming impatient. So I threw out the cheeky 'Did you just do an LA flake on me' just to incite response. Hey it had worked before right? And after all - she was flaking on me!
Well it appears Americans don't seem to get a piss take, or at least don't like to get the piss taken out of them. Or at least getting called out. Well no one does do they. She went right off her rocket at me saying 'try not to be a dick to someone who is trying to pull you a favour'. I apologised immediately and said I was having her on and at least this got me a response. She said she had no interest in helping me further. I asked if she was overreacting and she gave me a serve about 'its not my job Mr Pinkham to make calls on your behalf on the timeframe YOU designate'. Given her delay in getting back to me, her unnecessary defensive tone to my question of her being a flake (she could have said yes?) and her lack of acceptance of my apology, my assumptions were indeed correct. I guess the truth hurts sometime.
Now a short break to listen to one of my favourite songs by Jack Johnson. I didn't know that the song is about someone flaking on you. Probably a girl. 'It seems to me that maybe, pretty much always means no.....'
Flake - Jack Johnson
The other cultural difference I have experienced is around manners. Now overall Americans are polite. They go out of their way to be friendly and assertive. Especially in hospitality due to the tipping culture. Although I still haven't worked out why you get amazing services at restaurants but you have to pick up your own coffees from the cafes?
Hollywood as I'm learning might be a different story. We all know the character of Ari Gold off Entourage. Rude, obnoxious, yelling obscenities to staff and client alike to get results.
Entourage - The Best of Ari Gold
But I've dealt with some of the top agents in the music industry, mainly out of London. This is not how they behave. They are firm and direct, but normally always responded with a 'Best' or ' Kind Regards'' even if it is at the regards of a simple stern direction or response. Manners are paramount, business is about relationships after all.
Well I was doing a favour for a leading entertainment lawyer here who was looking for a kiwi band for a conference he was involved with. After going out of my way to find some options for him he responded with a 'GET ME THE CONTACT'. I was slightly taken back so I responded with' Please?.' He came back '????????'. I don't think he understood my point. All I was wanting was a bit of respect. And appreciation for my gesture. This is what manners are after all. An acknowledgement.
I passed on the contact and was very tempted to spell it out for him 'Please Hamish can you provide the contact, thanks'. I'm not his bloody PA - I am a potential client and or business partner! Our dealings left me with a sour taste in my mouth.
I have since understood though it is a cultural difference. People here move fast, talk fast, act fast. They want results and they want it now! They sometimes don't have time for niceties. So that goes both ways then surely? Which is exactly the reason I got confused when it took so long for Ziggy Stardust to get back me re Goldenvoice! #flake!
So there are definitely a few things to learn about how this city and its' dealings works. Overall I'm trying to be better communicator and be clear with my commitments. If you can't make something just say so. Don't over commit. If you might still come to something, then just say that. Be honest. Thats all I think people want. Or at least deserve.
And I've got no qualms about calling people out. It is a question after all not an accusation.
And anyway, you can't out-flake a flake!
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